Tuesday, January 3, 2012

A New Year, A New Me!

This is the year. Right? This is the year that all my dreams come true? That I follow through and accomplish the goals I've set for myself? Well, this is definitely the year I start with a thorough plan. This is the year that I don't try to do it all on my own. This is the year I invite Heavenly help into my life.
As I begin the "first day of the rest of my life" I invite you to come with me on this journey. I will have my ups and downs. I will have epiphanies and days of depression. Most of all, I will succeed. I battle with undiagnosed depression and food addiction. I know what I need to do to win, but I still chose the losing route. Take today, for instance. I was supposed to start out on Monday by following the food diet that my "team" has for me. It's good healthy food. It's enough food and meets all my daily nutrient requirements. It will even keep me full. But, this is Tuesday, early afternoon, and I've not made it through the days yet without eating something else. You know the somethings that are not "allowed". Yesterday, we still had in our house a huge amount of chocolate cake. I made the cake for my husbands birthday in October. I only had a nibble that day. We put the cake in my mother's freezer. My birthday is in a few days and since I knew I'd be on the food plan from here on out, we pulled out the cake to eat on New Years. We brought it home that night with the intention of throwing the rest in the trash. I did throw it away, but not until I had shoveled about 6 biteFULs into my mouth. The whole time I was thinking, "throw it away, you don't need this" but that didn't stop me. Last night, my husband and son bonded over a baking session - banana bread. I was also requested to make bread sticks for dinner. Those two foods were waiting for me this morning. Food is my drug of choice. I eat when I'm sad, depressed, mad, hungry, full, happy, bored, busy, surrounded by friends or all alone. I'm sure Dr. Phil would ask, "How's that working for you?" It's not. It's made me fat and added to my depression. So, step one, for me, is to eliminate it from the house. Not all food, obviously, but my trigger foods: chocolate, ice cream, crackers/chips, baked goods. Hmmmm. When an alcoholic wants to quit drinking it has to be complete abstinence. That's what works best for me, too. Wish me luck! I'll be praying for me!